A reason to hold on

I was going post a thing pretty similar to what Mike said...but then realized he summed up everything I've been feeling lately pretty nicely. That being said though, he did leave one thing out, and that's something I think everyone should have, his reason to hold on. I've drifted through my life up till this point, essentially living for myself, never caring about anyone else... Lately however, since my dreams fell through, I've had to think of a more rewarding way to live...something better and more meaningful than instant gratification 24/7.

It wasn't really me that thought of this, but rather Father La Combe, a Chaplain I worked with while in the Corps. I worked with many men better than myself, and at one point or another each and every one of them would ask me the same question "Why in the fuck did you join the Marines? You're smart enough, dedicated enough, driven enough, to do litterally anything you could possibly want, and you chose THIS bullshit? Why?" I would usually give them a bullshit answer along the lines of loving my country, wanting to protect people, blah blah blah. The truth was that I joined because I wanted to test myself and anything short of war wasn't a good enough challenge...after breaking my feet it became pretty clear that I wouldn't be able to put myself through that test...But that chaplain gave me something new, something better, something that has given me more hope for myself and the future generations than anything else I've ever attempted to do. "I've seen the way you treat your Marines, you're hard on them, but harder on yourself...They may not understand it now, but I can see what you're doing. You want them to be better than you, they talk about how you come down on them hardest for mistakes you make, but they don't see how badly you beat yourself for those mistakes."

I forgot that lesson, the one thing I'm apparently good at. Pushing people to be better than me. As soon as I realized that this shitty ass civilian life is the best I could hope for, I gave up hope. Then I got a phone call from the one man that saw through my bullshit, and he listened to my complaints, and simply said "what makes these college kids different from your Marines? The fact that they didn't think they were strong enough to try? I would like to think you're smart enough to see past that, but I also know how Marines are...so I'm just going to say this. These kids may not be recruits, but they're still going through basic training. The basic training for who they'll be for the rest of their lives. You have a gift of being able to inspire the people around you, and while you may call it a curse, the fact that you despise yourself is a gift as well. It keeps you grounded, it ensures you wont let yourself get caught up in the politics of a work office, of life in general...when you see something wrong, you open your mouth. So next time I call, I don't want to hear any more about how lazy and moronic they are. I want you to tell me what you've done to try and improve the people around you."

Well Father La Combe, you probably wont ever read this, but I want you to know that I've at least started to take the steps to begin what you wanted me to do. This world is fucked up, some people say our country is lost, our political and financial systems are definitely broken and need to be fixed, but that gives me hope. I wont break down, I'll be the inspiration the people around me need. I wont let others break down, I'll be the one to hold them together, and show them glimpses of what the future may bring. I'm young, but the way I live my life pretty much ensures I wont make it for another 20 years. But I can guarantee that I'll live on through the people who have listened to my words, and felt the level of pride I felt when they succeeded at something they thought they could never do.

Mike, I can't answer why all this bullshit is happening, but it's our generation that is going to be stuck fixing it. The problems we're currently experiencing aren't new, they're hella old, but the generations before us have always kicked the can further down the street. My reason to hold on is my belief that we're the ones about half way down the street, that pick the can up and throw it away. I don't believe in the people, but I believe in our generation, although our parents sure as fuck don't. We're the oversexed-ultraviolence-over-exposed-to-media generation that has grown up with two wars and the worst economic outlook in decades. I can see the can coming, kicked by a fat elitist white politician that thinks he has nothing to fear, and I look forward to introducing him to something our generation knows better than his. It's something called reality.

My tangent on a Thursday morning. . .

College is going to shit. Not doing so well, and no matter how I attack my courses, it seems I'm destined to get a bad grade. Ughhh, I've already signed up for my spring semester classes, but I don't know if I'll be able to pass my Fall classes. Pretty depressed right now. . .and my video games and booze are my outlets. . .except now they are my hindrance towards school. Can't wait till Thanksgiving break, but at the same time I don't want to go forward. . .I want to go back and restart. How can anyone expect happiness today? American Dream? Those are for the people not living here, Americans live in a nightmare. . .everyday we either go to school, or work. We pay pay bills, or soon pay off loans in the $100,000. . .Our society grows ever closer to those fucked animes we watched so much back then and thought it would be awesome and adventurous to live in...now. . .I'm more fearful of the future. . .I'm fearful for you guys and my family. Our government doesn't exist, our education about the future and our expectations don't exist. I'm not being pessimistic here, I'm honestly a realist. . .or is that another term for pessimists taht act like optimists? Why did we wanna grow up so fast in a world where dreams have become shitty TV shows and hot, twisted minded, deprave celebs flaunting their vices in front of millions for attention and money. What happened to the hard working Americans? The innovators? The role models? America has yet to see a true statesmen since FDR! Our politicians and government officials are all demagogues or at least controlled by them. When did capitalism become so one sided and distorted? Barack Obama was a Illinois Senator and never once did anything in Congress except speak at a speech conference for a charity. . .and he was suppose to bring change? Why don't Americans care? We are too busy dealing with out own problems on the homefront, than to look some what decent to the rest of the world and offer a dollar to help. The EU is on the verge of collapse with Italy showing signs of economic instability and if the EU goes? What next? Sometimes I wonder. . .what the hell were we thinking? WHAT THE HELL ARE WE DOING!? WHY WHY GODAMMNIT WHY!? Here's my beer can to all you guys, I miss you and I wish. . .things never changed.

Two People in History. . .Part II

Pick two people from history that you would love to take along with on a vacation trip to the Caribbean and why? Johnny Depp so we can drink Rum together everyday and Marylin Monroe. . .because we are in the Caribbean, duh! :D

Aliena's doing NaNoWriMo

And this is her novel-in-progress: http://farnano.blogspot.com/