Hitman: Absolution Review

The Hitman series has always had a special place in my heart of gamer hearts. I can quite honestly say that the first game was what introduced me to "Game rage" and the body count Agent 47 has racked up is eclipsed only by the number of controllers I've broken while fulfilling those contracts. Despite that rage, I still love these games, and Blood Money is probably in the top 10 games with best level design (fuckin' heaven and hell rave? YES. Attacking the white house? I'm sorry my virtual Marine brethren!)

"Agent 47, your job entails not being seen."
"No sir, my job entails no surviving witnesses."

"You killed the entire White House Staff"
"Yep. No witnesses"

"...the money is being wired to your account now"

Absolution starts off on a relatively somber note (even for a game revolving around killing people in various ways.) 47 is brought in on a contract to kill his former handler, and in the process of doing so, finds out that the Agency has created another genetically modified lil super assassin named Victoria. Diane (his former handler) asks 47 to ensure that the Agency can't use Victoria as they did him.

"The Agency can't use you if you're dead!"

"Jesus! OR you could protect me from them."

"...That would also work"

From the very beginning it is obvious that the developers have been working  their asses off to make the game more accessible to a larger audience. The controls are a trillion times better than the previous installments. Agent 47 can now use his spider sense to see through walls, find items of interest, and track enemy movements. At first I was slightly turned off by this feature, partly because it doesn't really make sense, and partly because this is one of the few series out there that haven't been dumbed down for mass consumption.

"I can smell that this police officer's bladder is full. He must be heading to the bathroom!"

 But quite honestly it makes the game much more enjoyable. Instead of always being on edge because a guard might be around the corner, you can actually walk around the levels (which are beautiful, and HUGE) and find different areas for you to use to your advantage. An early level takes place in Chicago's chinatown during a New Year's celebration (because every day is a New Year in Chinatown) and your spidy-sense can lead you to a fugue-fish that you can then extract poison from and squirt into your target's drink. In blood-money, it would have taken several playthroughs to realize you could even poison the target, and then a few more for you to find the fucking fish. I've seen  a few Hitman Veterans bitching about this feature on forums and such, and all I can really say is this. The game allows you to turn it off. If you don't like it, stop using it!

"BUT THAT REQUIRES TWO SECONDS WORTH OF EFFORT!"

The graphics are also a million times better than the last installment, no more blocky-heads for example. I'll admit that I spent about 20 minutes just watching the start-menu because it is gorgousssss. 

"Yes. Yes I am."

As far as story goes, I'll admit that I don't even remember the plot from the older games so I don't have much to compare this game to. But I enjoyed this story. Even when it throws some of...stranger...contracts at you, they do it in a way that makes you forget about how weird it is. It's relatively rare that a game can make me forgive it's odd moments without FORCING me too. Case in point?

Meet the "Saints"

"Girls...The Director approved your disguise idea because nuns wear clothes that are easy to hide  weapons in, and no one REALLY pays attention to them. I'm not quite sure you understand that concept"

"Shut up, we have boobs and tight leather, and the vast majority of people that play these games are teenage boys"

"....fair enough"

When I saw this game's trailer, I figured the sexy nun assassins where just a way for the developers to get people's attention. Then they showed up in game and I almost gave up on it right there and then. HOWEVER, they turned a retarded cliche into a fun level. Sure, they're a fairly stupid idea at first glance, but then you see them in action and you realize you have to kill 8 different targets that keep in radio contact with one another, and are heavily fucking armed. It works. It works very well.

Pros: Beautiful level design, fun character design, large levels, intelligent (for the most part) enemies, various ways to complete most of the levels, if you really want to you can just shoot everyone and everything.

Cons: Some of the levels feel rushed (not as many ways to kill your targets), no heaven and hell rave, I don't realllly need to know every time I lose some points.

FUCKIN YES: Easter eggs. Kane and Lynch show up. Yes. Yes. Yes.

9/10  (Buy this fuckin game)